I'm not very good at waiting. Unfortunately, I'm waiting on a couple huge things right now, and it's driving me absolutely bonkers. Like I think about them and check my email constantly, and try to plan out the scenarios in my mind, and then worry a little. What I'm waiting on is my financial aid package for next year (which I knew by mid-March the past two years) and whether or not I've been accepted into the licensure track program. They both affect each other a little...here are the scenarios I've been going over and over in my mind:
1) Maybe I'll get a good scholarship next year, since it's my senior year and I've had good grades.
2) Maybe I'll also get into the program! Good news, since I won't be able to work and be in the program (the program advisor said you cannot work and be in the program).
3) But, maybe I won't get in. Then I'll still have to work, and I'm quite looking forward to not...and then I'll have to go right into the MAT program in two years.
4) But maybe I won't get good financial aid. No big deal if I don't get into the program, since I can work all year.
5) But if I do get into the program and can't work...more loans. Although I just talked to a friend who said at the end of next year, she'll have $75,000 in loans...how is that even possible for one person at SOU? I won't have anywhere near that amount, thankfully. Of course I'm all uptight about the little bit I do have.
6) And if I do get into the program, what should I do when I graduate? MEd at SOU? MEd somewhere else? (I started looking into online MEd programs at Christian schools and started getting a little depressed again. I am very thankful that I'm at SOU and get to graduate early...things have worked out nicely, but I sometimes really wish I would have been able to go to Corban or GFU and looking at those websites and their smiling faces bum me out, so I try not to go to their sites.) No school, just work for a while? Teach somewhere else (I was looking into teaching in Spain for a couple months, but that would be more $$).
7) And if I don't, should I do the MAT at SOU? It would be most practical and affordable, for sure. But...argh.
Decisions, decisions.
I know I should be waiting patiently, but waiting is so hard, and I've been waiting forever it seems.
I guess this should be my prayer- "Let all that I am wait patiently before God, for my hope is in him." Psalm 62:5
2 comments:
I do the same exact thing - play out every possible scenario a gazillion times in my mind. Waiting is hard. Not having control is hard. Trying to plan ahead without all the necessary info is hard.
Hang in there!
Thank you Ashley! you are so sweet. i miss goin to Soma, havent been able to make it this term :(
darn classes!
hope youare well, i didn't know you worked with my friend Tami at blossom hills!
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